Poor Topsy
"'Cause I's wicked, -- I is. I's mighty wicked, anyhow, I can't help it."
These are the heart-wrenching words of Topsy, a little girl in Harriet Beecher Stowe's famous/infamous novel Uncle Tom's Cabin (1852). Topsy had been mistreated all her young life and told she was wicked. Human nature being what it is, poor little Topsy acted out, believed what she was told, and felt sadly certain that she was beyond help.
How many of us have been told things over and over until we start to believe them, whether by critical parents, manipulative spouses, or society?
It's hard not to become a little twisted if a parent calls you names instead of finding a more creative way of teaching you. It's hard not to start believing if a manipulative boyfriend or girlfriend constantly points out your real or perceived faults and acts as if you're lucky anyone will have you. It's nearly impossible for some of us to have a healthy self-image while society and the media flood us with messages of how we should look and what we should do.
If we're lucky we can catch the problem while we still have a shred of self-worth left and say "I've had enough." Then we can work on getting out of a bad situation, read a self-help book, talk to someone, and start to undo the damage done.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this, just that there seems to be a lot of this happening lately, all around, in many ways. If it's happening to you, never give up. Sometimes you have to work damn hard to climb out of a mental hell, but it can be, and has been done.
27 words of wisdom and smart remarks:
I feel like you almost wrote this blog right for me!
I don't want to bore you with all the bulls*it, but thanks for writing this post.
Love ya girl.
Bardouble - I partly had you in mind, but I also had several other people in mind, myself included. There's an awful lot of hurting going on in the world, but there's hope too.
Go ahead, "bore" me with the details if it makes you feel better, or even blog about it if you want. It's good to get that stuff out in the open and start the healing.
I love ya too. :)
I half-thought several witty comments to make to this post but all I can think of right now is "Amen". Good, Anne, very good!
I dont understand what pleasure a person derives from hurting others?
Let's just say this was a much needed morning tonic. Thank you.
Art - thank you.
Deepak - you are very kind and innocent. Sadly, many people are not like you.
Ms. Enemy - glad you liked it.
During the last couple of years a few people have constantly been critisizing me for things I know are not true. And, you're right. It is mental hell. I look at this post as a kick in the ass for myself to remind me I'm not the demon so many say I am. Thanks for the reminder.;)
Great post, lets climb out together.
Greg
I think we have all been thru this in one way or another. People are cruel and the one that put down are usually very insecure themselves. It is a very thought provoking subject. Thanks Anne
Just Me - you don't seem like a demon at all to me.
Gardener Greg - sounds like a great plan. It's good that we all have each other here, in our little virtual neighborhood.
Dawn - I agree, I really think most hateful people don't know how to improve themselves or make themselves feel better, so they try to tear others down so they will appear better in comparison.
Dang woman how is it you know what to write that really hits home and is needed sometimes!
I have met too many people like Topsy and it is heart breaking to think what cruel people have said and done to them.
Ack.
Anne. You are spot on. It is the heartbreak of senseless cruelty by and to the ones people claim to "love" that makes me more sad than I thought possible. It is happening everywhere, around the corner and around the world.
"you have to work damn hard to climb out of a mental hell"
Amen, Sister, and worth every ounce of hard work!
it's so easy to say "you shouldn't let what others think about you, influence you in that way"....but when it's people you care about or whom you thought cared about you, it's hard not to slip into that "mental hell" eventually. And like you said, unfortunately, it's so much harder to climb out than it was to fall in.
great stuff miss anne.
Spongy - I'm just smart like that. ;)
I'm glad you liked it.
Orhan - thank you, yes it is.
Cravey - why can't people think about what they're doing a little (or a lot) more?
Singleton - Amen! Yes it is.
Kiyotoe - I agree.
I have you to thank for this post, by the way. It was us joking about being "evil" that made me think about this.
Anne,
It's the climbs that makes us strong -- someday we will be so mighty we can fly over this BS!
I don't know if parents -- well, I guess anybody, really -- knows that they're being manipulative. And they certainly don't know the impact that they're having on their kids. I worry about the impact that some of the things I say to my kid will have on him.
Jo - I agree. We learn and improve all the time.
Dorky Dad - it sounds like you've probably been fortunate enough to not have anyone truly manipulative in your life. I believe some people are intentionally manipulative though.
I bet you're a great dad, but if you're worried about it, I would simply suggest trying to stick with positive reinforcement rather than criticism as much as possible. There are just some ways to word or frame things that are more positive than others. Nobody is perfect, but it sounds as if you're a very patient and loving dad.
Anne,
just stopping by to say Have a great wekend and I wish I was at the beach with you heehee. I'll be back Tuesday
god, you are right on the money with this one. You are one smart lady!
And you got all those wonderful, sympathetic thoughts from Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin, a NOVEL, FICTION, Anne!
UTC was an anti-slavery novel, published in 1852, which had a profound effect on attitudes toward African Americans and slavery in the United States, so much so in the latter case that the novel intensified the sectional conflict leading to the American Civil War.
How's that for the effect of a novel on history?
Dawn - thanks. I hope you have a great weekend too!
Beth - aw shucks, be careful not to over-inflate my ego. :)
Teach - I got some of my sympathetic thoughts from Uncle Tom's Cabin, but they would mean nothing without several psychology books and personal experience added to the mix.
I do occasionally read fiction. Usually though I try to get the movie version so it takes less time out of my life. I read Uncle Tom's Cabin for its historical relevance, but I would be lying if I said I didn't like the book.
Yes the book had a great effect on history. I called it "famous/infamous" because it started some long-lasting, pervasive negative stereotypes of black people, and the "Tom Show" fad - some well-produced and many offensive satirical plays. All in all, the book did serve a great purpose.
Oops, I didn't mean that the plays were all satirical, and some were good and some were bad. Rather, I meant to say that some plays were well-produced and true to the book; but many other versions of the play were offensive parodies.
I have always believed the tongue is a double edged sword. As quick as a word can pick you up, it can turn and cut you down.
My best friend and I were talking about this just the other day. He is a VERY good looking guy, but all his life people made fun of his legs (and let me tell you he has some sexy legs) one time when he was coming out of the gym a stranger told him he had beautiful legs, but he always remembered the bad things he was told rather than the occasion compliment.
We agreed that the bad spoken always out weighs the good...
So sad.
Anne~ Gosh, I think on some levels we have all been guilty of falling pray to other's words & sometimes even breaking evil with our own...even if we aren't readily aware of it.
Sometimes it's not just in what is said, but in how we are treated.
Lol, at Bardoubles comment (i'm curious about them legs!) but in some sense she is quite right. I'm skinny, bony, what-ever. Rarely do people tell me I look good, pretty, sexy or fit perhaps because they think I hear it a lot simply because I am twiggy(or maybe because I don't look that way:), but even so when someone does, I am always quick to negate it because I have heard so many oddball & sometimes offensive things.
It's amazing how we use other people's definitions and insights to define ourselves.
As always Dear Anne, a thought-provoking and beautiful post.
Bardouble - so true, the bad usually seems to stick with us more than the good. Why do we do that to ourselves? It is sad.
I don't know about your friend's legs though. Perhaps you'd better send some pics of him so I can see for myself how cute he is and how nice his legs are. The less clothes the better. Uh, for legitimate journalistic purposes of course.
Tee-hee! ;)
My colleague Skinny wants pics too. :D
Skinny - you are very pretty. Too bad the jerks sometimes get to you, as they do to everyone. Too bad some people are so mean.
I agree, we're probably all guilty of being thoughtless sometimes, maybe even purposely mean because of our own insecurities. I know I've said things I'm not proud of, moreso when I was younger and more insecure. But hopefully we can make up for it with our kind words now. I know that you make a positive change with your kind words all the time.
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